Saturday, February 24, 2007

Baby a boon or a bane??

Children bring fulfillment in a marriage that can’t be filled by any other aspect. They are your lineage that lives beyond your death. Usually the arrival of a child also brings a new world of expectations, joy and lots of love for the parents. The birth of a child is considered to be the second birth for the mother, the exertion that the mother goes through to bring the new life into this world is finally worth the trouble. Or so I feel. The marvel of childbirth and seeing your creation for the first time is amazing and full of wonder. The child makes its arrival after nine months of care and love. The months of carriage are full of dreamz and hopes for the mother. The thought of how the child will look and how your life will be after the addition into the family runs through the mind constantly. But seldom can you even visualize just how much your life would exactly change. For some the life will revolve around the kid and the kids become their entire universe.

On the flip side, the expectancy for the general public starts immediately after a couple gets married. The very next time people run into you or talk to you the question “any good news?” is sure to come. This expectancy and sheer nosiness by some is little amusing and a lot annoying. But it is not just restricted to people one knows but even a total stranger deems it right to ask “is it planned or otherwise?” or comes up with advises like “don’t wait for too long otherwise it will be difficult later” or “if there is any problem please see a doctor for treatment”. I find such behavior rather appalling. The couple who have planned to take time in continuing their bloodline might not feel hurt. But if it is not the case the sentiments of the couple being asked such questions is never in the thoughts of the person asking them. There is not even the slightest of hesitation for such possibility before popping the question. There are people who will say this is how the society works but I would say if this how it works it is not a refined one to do so. A couple has every right to choose when and if they want any progeny. In fact, I feel couples should take the time in getting to know one another first. Only after that when they feel they are ready for the added responsibility that they should go in for a child. Just because the society asks such crass questions is no reason to go in for a child in a hurry. Because at the end of it once you conceived, it is totally your responsibility. And you have to make the right choices before birth and after its birth. At that point of time all these people who ask such questions will never be around to lend you a hand. And unlike in computers there is no undo button after the child is born. I found it really funny that the people who highlighted the contentment, peace and love for their child before I got pregnant never said even a single good word after I became pregnant. Though now after having experienced motherhood I have no regrets what so ever. In fact, I feel my love for my daughter increases each day and my wonder of having given birth to her has not ceased yet. The amazing feeling that she came from my flesh and bones I guess will stay with me for the rest of my life. But I am definitely glad at the same time that I took time in bringing her into this world. That I didn’t fall prey to these questions but had her when I was ready for her. It is not that there is no downside to this but in the end the happiness always outweighs.

So now I have only one thing to tell the people who are hesitant to dive into this, it really is an experience worth the trouble it comes with. The contentment you feel to hold you child or protective feeling that wells up in you is something that can only be experienced, never understood seeing someone else. But of course I stand by what I said earlier one must always be ready for it fully. And by that I do not mean just the mother being ready but the man has to be equally ready to take on the responsibility. It is never easy to later on make the sacrifices and compromises that are needed to bring up a child alone; the man has to be an equal partner.

All the very best to who ever intend to bring in a new life into this world and the general public please hold your tongues on such a sensitive issue…